Until you came
by Himitsu Secret to your heart
Summary: Hisoka's thoughts of his juvenile partner, of his marred history until Tsuzuki came.


Hisoka thoughts~~~  
  
  
about  
  
  
Tsuzuki~~~~  
  
  
- - - - - - -  
  
  
Until you entered my life...  
  
  
  
I was so cold... locked up away in a jail for being known as a creature... of darkness. Feared of and fearful, people would treat me like an animal, looking at me between heavy metal bars and throwing stinging remarks.  
  
  
Lonely, the one thing that totured me most it caused me to make an imaginary friend, just someone who would listen but knowing that he would never understand or react.  
  
  
Then Muraki came, I found him killing someone that night and for desserts, he had me...   
  
  
I still remember each and every detail, my cries of pain as he tried to violate me again and again for his sick pleasures. I protested and tried to get him off but strong hands pinned me down.   
  
  
  
Under the sakura tree of a red moonlit night...  
  
  
  
My doll... he had whispered over and over to me.   
  
  
  
"Go away..." was my response, causing him to toture me more. I was tainted with the filth of the silver eyed man and I wondered... if I could ever be the same again...  
  
  
I met you soon afterwards... The ShoKan division. My new partner, at first I thought you were a blumbering idiot but I had to change my thoughts as you came for me that first night after the meeting, saving me from the clutches of my tormentor.  
  
  
What happened before?  
  
  
You carried me to the room you thought I was knocked out cold Tsuzuki... But you have to learn that I'm not as weak as you think I am... I knew you had put me to bed and I knew your thoughts as you wistfully brushed away some of the strands of hair falling gracefully across my face.  
  
  
But you didn't know...  
  
  
Your thoughts were so complicating, arguing with your inner self can cause me to get badly confused especially when you have dozens of your inner self.  
  
  
You wished that you could lie with me, hold me and never let go... but you argued that you didn't even know me. Does it matter? You thought of kissing me, perhaps brushing featherlight kisses along my lips which seemes so tempting to you but you aruged that I was too young.   
  
  
Too young, is that the reason you really stopped your self from kissing me? No.   
  
  
Instead you were afraid...  
  
  
Afraid that I might reject you, afraid that you would stain me with your dark blood and memories of deep secrets, did you know that it didn't matter to me if you were a murderer or a psychopath? Because you are my partner.  
  
  
Then I could hear your sorrow and guilt as you pulled me down from the board which Muraki tied me to. You caught sight of the dagger-like mark near my head and I felt your anger boil up.  
  
  
iEspecially since I was your most important person.../i  
  
  
What about the case aboard Queen Camelia? You were worried when I disappeared to Tsubaki's room and when I tumbled to the floor, I knew you would come.   
  
  
I could remember a distinct cry of my name as your footsteps drew near, you lifted me into your arms and held me to you tightly, hoping and wishing that I was alright.  
  
  
You cared unlike others....  
  
  
I'm grateful of that, you were the one person who would be the only one that cared for me so deeply... Especially when I was suffering from one of Muraki's dream again, I clutched onto you without ever knowing it and when I woke up, your violet eyes were staring worriedly into mine.  
  
  
I could read your feelings as easily as reading a book, you wanted to hold me tight, to stop all these sufferings and you felt pain for me...  
  
  
But Tsuzuki... you thought you shouldn't be having these feelings, you thought that I was too pure to be touched by you... even as I jumped off the boat into your waiting arms in the helicopter that you felt joy bubble inside of you. Did you know that I could mirror your feelings too?  
  
  
You held me tight, comforting me and nothing else... or so you thought. I clutched onto you too, hoping you would never let go.  
  
  
Tsubaki was right, maybe you could be the one who would forgive me, love me, care for me...   
  
  
When you strode towards my desk yesterday asking for my help I agreed with a, "Sure, I would always help my partner..." after a few grumblings from me and whinings from you. I felt a sense of sadness wash over you as I said ipartner/i.   
  
  
"Just a partner Hisoka-chan?" you asked.  
  
  
~You caught me.~  
  
  
I could feel your gaze on my skin as if I wasn't wearing any clothes, reaching beyond my flesh to touch my soul... I stiffened as your hand lifted my face and gently caressed my cheek.   
  
  
My heart was pounding like crazy  
  
  
I gasped when your head moved towards me, your lips almost touching mine...  
  
  
When our lips touched for the first time, it was like tasting something refreshingly new... something I'd never felt before but only heard of … Your lips moved over mine slowly; softly and I melted against you, thoughts completely wiped out.   
  
  
Your hands slid up my back, your fingers tenderly caressing the spot between my two shoulder blades and causing me to arch my back, making me shudder in delight. When your tongue managed to persuade my lips to part, I felt my body suddenly explode with sensation.   
  
  
My soul seems to rush through my body and out to you, eager to meet the kiss.  
  
  
We stayed like that, drinking from the essence of each other, too spellbound to think, let alone stop. Hesitatingly, I reached out to embrace you too.  
  
  
  
When we pulled back from the kiss, you wanted more... I would give you more... You wanted to heat things up... go ahead I'm yours...  
  
  
  
Your thoughts were less complicated now; finally you could think of holding me in your arms at night or like now, rather freely. You made plans for the night, sleep over?  
  
  
~~~*~~~  
  
  
We lay in each others arms. Finally fulfilling the empty feeling that had been within us for a long time now, burying my face in your chest I hear your feelings as well as thoughts.  
  
  
Contenment. Happiness. Joy. Love  
  
  
You pulled me into your arms, smiling into my hair as you murmur "I love you..." over and over again.  
  
  
I reach up to look at you, I couldn't believe you were really mine...   
  
  
You smile and close your eyes, arms protectively around me.   
  
  
You fervently gaze down at me and I just snuggle against your chest wondering if you really wanted me, you were hesitant... of course but we never got as far as kisses around the nape.   
  
  
Tsuzuki, look what great difference you have made to my life, first I was abandoned, no hope of living and a cursed child.... Then I'm now as I am, loving you and learning to stay alive and to move on for you...  
  
  
Until you came  
  
  
Owari  
~~~*~~~  
  
Valk_Himi: *sniffles...* my first Hisoka-point-of-view fic... like it? hate it?  
Crusader: Definitely a great improvement... *chuckles*   
Valk_Himi: By the way, why don't you post your fics on FF.net eh Crus.?  
Crusader: I'm too lazy to sign up...  
Rin-na: *No comment*  
  
A.N: .... so the usual notez, R&R for C&C. .... 


End file.
